What Your Favorite Scent Says About Your Emotional Damage

(A light-hearted roast from Retrograde Candle Co.)

Let's be honest: you don't just buy candles for the smell. You buy them because they whisper, "Maybe this will work."

Spoiler: It won't, and doesn't — but it will smell amazing while the emotional rebooting takes place.

So here's what your go-to scent secretly says about the mess you call a personality.

1. Vanilla & Caramel Lovers
You crave emotional safety because your childhood probably involved at least one unreliable authority figure and a lot of scented markers. You light gourmand candles to simulate warmth, love, and the illusion that you've got your life together. You actually don't, but you do smell like cookies— and really, do you need anything else?

2. Clean Linen, Cotton, or Sun washed Anything
Control. All you want is control. You buy the smell of bleach without the trauma of actually cleaning. You're fighting chaos one neatly folded dishtowel at a time. You'd alphabetize your emotions if you could.

3. Citrus & Grapefruit Enthusiasts
You're the "everything's fine" friend. Constantly rebranding your optimism to hide the burnout. You light bright, zesty candles to fake enthusiasm until your soul catches up. It usually does. Eventually.

4. Eucalyptus, Sage, or Mint Addicts
you're healing, obviously. You've been healing for six years. You're so clean energetically that is someone negative walked into your house, they'd combust. You light these candles before confronting your inner demons... or your inbox.

5. Amber, Musk and Sandalwood Seekers
Your toxic trait is confusing intensity for intimacy.  You're seductive, mysterious, and absolutely exhausted. You light sultry candles to remind yourself you still have layers, even if the only you show people is "I'm good."

6. Floral Friends (Peony, Rose, Jasmine)
You have main character energy but also cry when your phone battery hits 1%. You want life to feel cinematic, but the soundtrack is mostly just "why did I text him again?" Your flowers are coping mechanisms with pretty packaging.

7. Fruity Scents (Berries, Coconut, Mango)
You're either in denial about adulthood or clinging to summer 2016 when everything felt possible. You chase dopamine with candles that smell like beach vacations and bad decisions. Still, you're fun at parties and smell like optimism.

8. Pine, Fir, or Wood Smoke Enthusiasts
You miss someone or something you can't name. You crave stillness and nostalgia — your candle smells like a forest because real peace costs too much rent. You're secretly the most sentimental of the bunch.

9. Cinnamon, Clove, and Holiday Spices
Your emotionally codependent in December. You light candles that smell like belonging, even though you secretly dread family gatherings. It's fine. No one does "repressed cheer" like you do.

10. Ocean & Driftwood Lovers
You fantasize about moving somewhere coastal and starting over, but deep down you know you'd just overthink there, too. Your candle smells like escape but your problems aren't going anywhere.

Every scent is a coping mechanism dressed as self-care, and we're not here to judge—we're here to hand you the lighter. Whether you're burnt out, blissed out, or both, Retrograde Candle Co. has a flame for that.